you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish you could order shots online.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
