K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
