I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
