i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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