Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
