So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
