why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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