Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
