Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
