farters have to be the big spoon...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
