If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
