i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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