Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Found the puke drawer
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
