you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
