the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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