So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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