Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
