hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
