He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
