her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
