first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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