If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
