sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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