I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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