I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
