He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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