I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
