Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
