And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Damn victory sex feels great
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
