I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
