when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
