you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
