is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
