Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
