I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
