Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
