Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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