I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just blew my weed a kiss
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
