Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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