One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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