if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
