Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
