i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
