I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
