just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
