Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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