Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
