He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
