It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
