I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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